I’m just going to dive right in: I’ve hit a little rough patch.
When I made the decision to switch my goal race to CIM, I extended my training plan from 15 weeks (not including the five weeks of base-building) to 23 weeks. 23 WEEKS. That’s just too long to train for one race, and I’m currently dealing with some burnout issues. In hindsight, I realize I should have stuck with my original plan of running Portland. But you know what they say about hindsight.
p.s. Funny story: One time when I was a little tipsy, I may have said, “Hindsight is 50/50.” I sometimes say really dumb things.
Anyway, back to running. For the last week or two, I have seriously considered not running CIM. My dad is injured (he has a torn meniscus) and won’t be running the marathon, and it doesn’t seem worth the effort to train/race when I don’t think I will PR.
Last night I realized I was being really stupid (and just a tad dramatic).
A little background information (probably TMI): Earlier this year I started seeing a counselor. One of the reasons I decided to go to therapy is because I realized how often I sell myself short. I convince myself that I won’t succeed so I don’t even try. That’s why I didn’t pursue a more competitive major in college and why I hate looking for new jobs. In a nutshell: My self-esteem/confidence kinda sucks, and this definitely spills into my running.
Another thing I’m working on in counseling is moderation. I typically look at things as being all good or all bad — there isn’t much “gray” in my world. When it comes to marathon training, I have no concept of moderation. I’m either all in or all out. Up until a month ago, I was all in. I prioritized everything around my training and was so hyper-focused on my goal (finishing sub 4) that I neglected other areas of my life.
Last night I realized that this is a perfect opportunity to practice what I’ve been working on in counseling. In the spirit of moderation and avoiding the all in/all out approach (also known as sub4 or bust), I’ve revised my time goal from sub 4 to a more realistic range of 4:05-4:15. Not my fastest time, but also not my slowest. Moderation for the win!
And who knows, I have been running a lot, so maybe I’ll surprise myself. But the only way I’ll know what I’m capable of is to go out there and just do it.
At the end of the day, this is just a hobby, and I’m fortunate that I’m healthy and have the resources (time, money, etc.) to train for these silly races.
This is something I choose to do, so I just need to chill out and let go. Six weeks and two days until CIM! The countdown is officially on.