That’s exactly what happened Monday night when I read through my training logs and realized how little I’ve run in the last four weeks. I haven’t felt like running and since I ditched my training plan weeks ago, I wasn’t compelled to push through and run when I didn’t feel like it. I’ve learned this before, but I’m the type of person who needs a training plan to stay accountable and motivated. I will NOT ditch my training plan when training for Eugene.
But before Eugene, I must first face Portland, which is this Sunday. And let’s be real — I am freaking out. Freaking out because I know I’m not in the best shape I could be. Freaking out because I’ve missed so many runs. Freaking out because I feel like a fat loser who gave up on this training cycle and now has to deal with the consequences (the potential of a 26.2-mile death march). Holy shitballs that’s a long ways to run.
I called Dad and told him that this whole thing seems foolish, and he tried to quell my panic by reminding me of the Labor Day Half Marathon (when I somehow managed to maintain marathon pace 48 hours post 20-mile run). But that seems like a lifetime ago. I was a different person then. And honestly, I don’t know how I managed to run that race so well.
I slept in on Tuesday and went for an easy run in the evening. I ran without my Garmin and only planned to run my three-mile loop, but ended up running six. I felt pretty good and enjoyed the crisp fall weather. I’m still incredibly nervous for Sunday, but this helped ease some of my anxiety.
In three sleeps I’ll be lining up with 15,000 runners to cover 26.2 miles. Am I terrified? Yes. Am I ready? Kinda. I’m not as prepared as I would like to be, but I also haven’t been sitting on my ass for the last 16 weeks eating Cheetos. I’ve done two 20 milers and one 19 miler. I’ve run four half marathons (one was a PR, one was 48 hours post 20-mile run, one was a trail half, and one was a total disaster). So while I’m not where I want to be, I am where I am. And that’s just gonna have to be good enough for right now.
The next few days are all about resting, hydrating, and eating my favorite food group (carbs!). Oh, and trying not to freak out so much!